I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
