I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
