If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
