maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
