I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
