you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
