i will never coherently bang her
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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