Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Apparently you make a good broom.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
