im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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