were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
