woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
