HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
