oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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