Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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