so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
