you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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