It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
