his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I understand Curling. That high.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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