You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
