I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
