to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
