This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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