and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
