Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
why is half of my head shaved?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
