Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We are all done wearing pants today
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
