I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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