my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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