if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Princesses don't give blow jobs
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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