How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize