Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
