Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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