wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
