dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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