Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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