As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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