Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You were trust falling into bushes
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
