So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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