I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
