we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
