You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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