my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
