The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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