his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
