SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
