why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
