allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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