haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
