Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
