You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
