i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
