when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
COCAINE IS GR8
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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