i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The Olympian is in my bed
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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