I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
