It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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