Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He told me they were just razor bumps!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
