i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
