You're completely useless in the revolution.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
