uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
