I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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