also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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