you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
