Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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