I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
