you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
