Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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