hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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