She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
