finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
